today is the worst day of my life and most heart breaking...*hate it...i really mad myself because of my SPM RESULT IS OUT...GUESS WHAT!!! those subject i wanted to aim A's for got C's and not many subject i aim for A's got A's...*wth*...i put my effort in and i do my revision and so on...but guess what i got in the end of it...NOTHING...haiz...now i juz feel bad and guess my future is in a ruin and i dunno how to further my study....
let god himself decide for me...i mean now i am totally hopeless and in my parent eyes i like a rubbish because of the result...they see my affort but my ending equal to nothing..so i xxxxx xxxxxx lalalallallaaaala........
why it have to be like this...why why why why why...............bla bla bla..!
why me...those ppl below me also can do something about their grade and why is me in a serious state...i am not satisfy and i really badly wanna go into college...anyone out there can recommend me some course...and what can i do...help and make me relief pls...pls pls pls...........
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
FROM TODAY ONWARD I TIMOTHY LAM OR KNOWS AS KOK LEONG NOR FROSS GONNA STAND UP AND BE A GOOD,HYPER AND INTERESTING FELLA
why am i taking this vows!!! *sweat*
i know i kinda boring fella always ups with my own point of view and thought...but today onward after few days of dull life...lastly i know i must enjoy this life while i can and stop worrying about the future what ahead....i know there have been alot ups and downs in my life recently...but this ain't gonna stop me now as how i use to be,i mean the last time where i always think of positive stuff and where ppl always look up to me for advice...so mean i gonna change my character and be a fun interesting fella looking forward and stand up again in searching for greatness in my life...
nevertheless i will stand down nor let ppl kick me at my ass again nor push me around like a puppet..so mean i gonna have the courage and i hope this courage gonna be strong base for me to stand on and a foundation where i can stand and lend no till i find something more solid in my life
and do u know that i gonna resign this week itself...*hahahahaha* =)
i gonna enjoy my rest soon for my ns(national service) before this i wanna ask u to come and join my for shopping spree...yup...i mention it...*kekekee* u must be wondering why rite...actually is kinda gross to c guy do shopping and i dun ,=mind about it as i like it too...hahahahahaaa...in order to enjoy and get ready for ns this is what i can do...beside that u can also ask me out for a event nor just hang out at cafe...not to mention i do hang out at any STARBUCKS i could find....*i love their coffee and hang out space...*winks*
ok la reach here for today...and pls encourage me so i can stand up again...
sign out...Zzzzzzzzzzz
by the way did i mention i am going off to ns soon....
why am i taking this vows!!! *sweat*
i know i kinda boring fella always ups with my own point of view and thought...but today onward after few days of dull life...lastly i know i must enjoy this life while i can and stop worrying about the future what ahead....i know there have been alot ups and downs in my life recently...but this ain't gonna stop me now as how i use to be,i mean the last time where i always think of positive stuff and where ppl always look up to me for advice...so mean i gonna change my character and be a fun interesting fella looking forward and stand up again in searching for greatness in my life...
nevertheless i will stand down nor let ppl kick me at my ass again nor push me around like a puppet..so mean i gonna have the courage and i hope this courage gonna be strong base for me to stand on and a foundation where i can stand and lend no till i find something more solid in my life
and do u know that i gonna resign this week itself...*hahahahaha* =)
i gonna enjoy my rest soon for my ns(national service) before this i wanna ask u to come and join my for shopping spree...yup...i mention it...*kekekee* u must be wondering why rite...actually is kinda gross to c guy do shopping and i dun ,=mind about it as i like it too...hahahahahaaa...in order to enjoy and get ready for ns this is what i can do...beside that u can also ask me out for a event nor just hang out at cafe...not to mention i do hang out at any STARBUCKS i could find....*i love their coffee and hang out space...*winks*
ok la reach here for today...and pls encourage me so i can stand up again...
sign out...Zzzzzzzzzzz
by the way did i mention i am going off to ns soon....
Saturday, March 8, 2008
sucked up life
oh hi,well i juz wanna express myself today,for the last few days of how i have been thinking and so on...well,everyday when i awake in the morning this word(what u gonna accomplishes today) always pop up in my head and make me think and stare at the ceiling for a moment and make my think hard...after the whole days pass by and ppl around kicked me hard at my ass and left me nothing...i will start to think all kind of nonsense and stuff and what i did today or even having love sick again...when i am young i always wonder why grow up always have alot of trouble and stuff to do and now i realise being a grow up is not so fun and yes there will be a long and hard journey to walk on till we grow old and rag till die....
and i dare to say what i am thinking recently is kinda really serious and got to do with my life...i always wonder and make conclusion on my own and judge myself and think hard to fix my suck up life and change it for a better future but there nothing i can do about it as i am only 18 this year even i might have the freedom and space of my own doesn't mean i can change it as my parent make the final call...even sometime this kinda issue make my brain crack and stay active when i am asleep physically and sometime it make me go crazy...but i know i cant resolve it...beside that load of work and trouble from office really gonna kill me soon cause i can bear the problem and catch up much with senior...beside that i'm too in a damn serious shit of desperation for girlfriend cause life without partner is kinda suck...why am i saying this...well as a teenager we have alot of peer pressure and secret in life and sometime this little dirty secret is hard to share among friend and family and we really wan to keep this secret in between whom we really can trust...
and why i say my life is suck up...well the fact is kind funny as u continue to read...well being a growing teenager into a young adult and working as a part-timer and doing my own stuff in my little small world is kinda bored...thinking honestly i badly wan to have a girlfriend right by me,REASON!!!
1)everyday having my own lunch alone IS DULL AND BORED
2)having my drink in a cafe alone IS SUCK when there is no special someone to chat to
3)run into my friend and their partner IS TOTAL SUCK when i am alone
4)go out alone nor watch movie alone really make ME BORED AND PAIN IN THE ASS
5)when needed someone to talk to and no one to turn to is BORING
CONCLUSION
MY LIFE IS SUCK AND BORED,MEANINGLESS AND LONELY
and i do have more reason but i juz dunno how to write it down as it may sound the same with different meaning...as we know one picture can have alot of meaning at the background therefore i dun wanna elaborate anymore
and at 3plus today i do have a really bad messenger conversation and pls dun and as it always have been,thing never turn out well and despite the surrounding i now in a deep shit of guiltiness...nothing to talk about it as it is personal and confidential...
and i dare to say what i am thinking recently is kinda really serious and got to do with my life...i always wonder and make conclusion on my own and judge myself and think hard to fix my suck up life and change it for a better future but there nothing i can do about it as i am only 18 this year even i might have the freedom and space of my own doesn't mean i can change it as my parent make the final call...even sometime this kinda issue make my brain crack and stay active when i am asleep physically and sometime it make me go crazy...but i know i cant resolve it...beside that load of work and trouble from office really gonna kill me soon cause i can bear the problem and catch up much with senior...beside that i'm too in a damn serious shit of desperation for girlfriend cause life without partner is kinda suck...why am i saying this...well as a teenager we have alot of peer pressure and secret in life and sometime this little dirty secret is hard to share among friend and family and we really wan to keep this secret in between whom we really can trust...
and why i say my life is suck up...well the fact is kind funny as u continue to read...well being a growing teenager into a young adult and working as a part-timer and doing my own stuff in my little small world is kinda bored...thinking honestly i badly wan to have a girlfriend right by me,REASON!!!
1)everyday having my own lunch alone IS DULL AND BORED
2)having my drink in a cafe alone IS SUCK when there is no special someone to chat to
3)run into my friend and their partner IS TOTAL SUCK when i am alone
4)go out alone nor watch movie alone really make ME BORED AND PAIN IN THE ASS
5)when needed someone to talk to and no one to turn to is BORING
CONCLUSION
MY LIFE IS SUCK AND BORED,MEANINGLESS AND LONELY
and i do have more reason but i juz dunno how to write it down as it may sound the same with different meaning...as we know one picture can have alot of meaning at the background therefore i dun wanna elaborate anymore
and at 3plus today i do have a really bad messenger conversation and pls dun and as it always have been,thing never turn out well and despite the surrounding i now in a deep shit of guiltiness...nothing to talk about it as it is personal and confidential...
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Sunday as usual
hrmmmm nothing to write la...Saturday was boring after work,after work when for initial d practise and when home to complete the leftover upgrading computer stuff...
today is Sunday,nothing much to say about as u know i went to church,church is where u learn god and spend time with him and grow spiritually in him...today i went for first service because got some event at 11am which is a MUST TO BE THERE...during at the first service when i sitting with Charisse beside me suddenly there a stranger which is a girl come about to change place with her,i wonder why and it terrify me at a moment after sometime i realise why she sit beside me!,it because the place she sit is cool and the air-corn is juz beneath her *hahahaha* and wonder why Charisse willing to let go her sit to sit under there????...after the first service,i head for for the form 5 orientation...at first i wonder what is all about? but then,finally got the answer is was about IT ABOUT TRANSFERRING INTO A NEW CAMPUS CELL GROUP WHERE EVERYONE THERE IS MATURE AND IN COLLEGE LIFE ONLY(so so bored!)...is kinda bored when the event started cause the didn't plan they event properly and there is less then 30 ppl around*wonder where the rest???!! we have public caning for games and then pastor give some speech and i know there are 3 other ppl which have the same name as me include me which are timothy lam,timothy lee,timothy liew*so many timothy not include others*
after pastor speech we juz pray and have lunch which is KFC(Kentucky fried chicken) and pizza*all this food gonna make me cough like mad tomorrow* but when the fellowship started I'm like a stranger or a outsider*wth* no now ever talk to me nor be friend with me...suck(rather didn't go if i know this what happen)...for 5 hour at church today nothing even happen to me,i mean no new friend at all even though there are some ppl that know me...haiz...sad bored Sunday as usual...
today is Sunday,nothing much to say about as u know i went to church,church is where u learn god and spend time with him and grow spiritually in him...today i went for first service because got some event at 11am which is a MUST TO BE THERE...during at the first service when i sitting with Charisse beside me suddenly there a stranger which is a girl come about to change place with her,i wonder why and it terrify me at a moment after sometime i realise why she sit beside me!,it because the place she sit is cool and the air-corn is juz beneath her *hahahaha* and wonder why Charisse willing to let go her sit to sit under there????...after the first service,i head for for the form 5 orientation...at first i wonder what is all about? but then,finally got the answer is was about IT ABOUT TRANSFERRING INTO A NEW CAMPUS CELL GROUP WHERE EVERYONE THERE IS MATURE AND IN COLLEGE LIFE ONLY(so so bored!)...is kinda bored when the event started cause the didn't plan they event properly and there is less then 30 ppl around*wonder where the rest???!! we have public caning for games and then pastor give some speech and i know there are 3 other ppl which have the same name as me include me which are timothy lam,timothy lee,timothy liew*so many timothy not include others*
after pastor speech we juz pray and have lunch which is KFC(Kentucky fried chicken) and pizza*all this food gonna make me cough like mad tomorrow* but when the fellowship started I'm like a stranger or a outsider*wth* no now ever talk to me nor be friend with me...suck(rather didn't go if i know this what happen)...for 5 hour at church today nothing even happen to me,i mean no new friend at all even though there are some ppl that know me...haiz...sad bored Sunday as usual...
Saturday, March 1, 2008
usual friday
let see wat i have for today post!!!...i think better write down about yesterday...yesterday is Friday! and it juz another usual day i have...nothing special to talk about it since is my working hour from morning 7.00am to afternoon 4.30pm...*arghhh,why it so bored wan*...
well after 4.30pm i rush home to fix my computer and do some upgrade work such as changing a NEW motherboard and NEW processor and format latest window and most of hardware is NEW which almost cost me about RM600 plus...now is juz half complete and guess will be done today and i kinda pokai now cause didn't plan properly what to get...*goshhh another terrible mistake for this month*...i hope the amount that i spend in upgrading my computer will satisfied me with real good speed and power in performance for games...hahahaa
and nite is also,usual where i go to my cell group...one thing interesting about it,is cell group are always the best place to spend ur time in hearing god word and learning about life and meet up with ppl and stuff...but yesterday was different...is kinda cool i guess...cause is like we dun even remember having cell at all...i mean NO WORD and NO WORSHIP(because we didn't prepare anything and everything is so last minute)*sorry cell*...we juz spend the nite by playing games(nonsense games such as body-glove,mafia,i know u) and talk nonsense and gossip there...well i didn't gossip for sure because i hate gossiping and i know i make alot of lame joke and stupid stuff there and i am me as always when I'm with ppl that i know...hahahahaa*gosh*...and when the time came for body glove is was total fun without regret,where i whack Charisse and Sarah till their leg is burn red...opss*sorry*(it was games) and yes my leg also are burn red with finger printed there on my leg from them...anyway it was fun for the whole nite till 10 plus i guess... and then my brain is blank(sleep)*tired jor...lol
well after 4.30pm i rush home to fix my computer and do some upgrade work such as changing a NEW motherboard and NEW processor and format latest window and most of hardware is NEW which almost cost me about RM600 plus...now is juz half complete and guess will be done today and i kinda pokai now cause didn't plan properly what to get...*goshhh another terrible mistake for this month*...i hope the amount that i spend in upgrading my computer will satisfied me with real good speed and power in performance for games...hahahaa
and nite is also,usual where i go to my cell group...one thing interesting about it,is cell group are always the best place to spend ur time in hearing god word and learning about life and meet up with ppl and stuff...but yesterday was different...is kinda cool i guess...cause is like we dun even remember having cell at all...i mean NO WORD and NO WORSHIP(because we didn't prepare anything and everything is so last minute)*sorry cell*...we juz spend the nite by playing games(nonsense games such as body-glove,mafia,i know u) and talk nonsense and gossip there...well i didn't gossip for sure because i hate gossiping and i know i make alot of lame joke and stupid stuff there and i am me as always when I'm with ppl that i know...hahahahaa*gosh*...and when the time came for body glove is was total fun without regret,where i whack Charisse and Sarah till their leg is burn red...opss*sorry*(it was games) and yes my leg also are burn red with finger printed there on my leg from them...anyway it was fun for the whole nite till 10 plus i guess... and then my brain is blank(sleep)*tired jor...lol
Monday, February 25, 2008
hand by hand
as usual my day start off at 6:50 am in the morning by waking up and get ready myself for work...at about 7:15 i start heading to the bus stop to get my bus as my work place is juz 3km away(save money on petrol and parking already) then as i wait for the bus i saw this crazy ppl who didn't prepare themselves the nite before or wake up late rushing to work in their car without caring the pedestrians who cross the road and few of them juz honk those ppl who are crossing(are they trying to be road bullies)...i juz feel those idiot are the world most stupid ppl and didn't even study then road law when they take their car licence and that really stupid of them...juz then i saw this 2 Malay kids who wanted to cross the road but the traffic juz seem to heavy for them to cross themselves and those adult Malay ppl who cross the road as well juz seem don't care about them and juz cross by themselves i wonder what kinda world is this(i thought Malays ppl always help their own racer as they dun care about Chinese or even Indian race) so i juz wait for a little more while as i watch this cruel world and bloody nasty ppl and asshole car driver who juz don't care to lend a hand for the 2 poor Malay kids whom desperate cross road and scare of being late for their classes at the surau near by.as we know the tv or radio even advertise and taught us how to lend a hand for kids to cross road by holding their hand....
poor Malays kids,now waited for 5 minute to cross the road already...all adult who cross the road who see them yet didn't help are really a bastard*yes i juz swear upon them*...then i juz make up my mind about to help them even i am not their kind as i know how god have shower his love,grace and mercy to me by lending his wide protective hand when i needed the most so i must also be a example for his will upon me...so i juz take all my strengh and will to walk up to help them even i waited at the bus-stop for about 8 minute and my bus about to come already and put shame on all adult ppl there waiting for bus stop and adult who crossed the road without caring to lend a hand for those kids...and yes i do help them to cross the road safely and even when i help this poor kids some bastard trying to run over me...but i juz don't care as this kids are my first priority...and less then a 40 second they have cross the busy traffic already*glad that i can be a big help to them when they needed the most*...and i am really proud of myself as this kids say thanks and wave good bye to me...as i walk up to the bus stop again and stood there listening to my music ,all the ppl at the bus stop see my kind and helpful action i have show even i looked like a zombie there and even some ppl juz turn away and looked ashamed of themselves...and i glad how god have pour his love for me to show his love for all mankind here...
poor Malays kids,now waited for 5 minute to cross the road already...all adult who cross the road who see them yet didn't help are really a bastard*yes i juz swear upon them*...then i juz make up my mind about to help them even i am not their kind as i know how god have shower his love,grace and mercy to me by lending his wide protective hand when i needed the most so i must also be a example for his will upon me...so i juz take all my strengh and will to walk up to help them even i waited at the bus-stop for about 8 minute and my bus about to come already and put shame on all adult ppl there waiting for bus stop and adult who crossed the road without caring to lend a hand for those kids...and yes i do help them to cross the road safely and even when i help this poor kids some bastard trying to run over me...but i juz don't care as this kids are my first priority...and less then a 40 second they have cross the busy traffic already*glad that i can be a big help to them when they needed the most*...and i am really proud of myself as this kids say thanks and wave good bye to me...as i walk up to the bus stop again and stood there listening to my music ,all the ppl at the bus stop see my kind and helpful action i have show even i looked like a zombie there and even some ppl juz turn away and looked ashamed of themselves...and i glad how god have pour his love for me to show his love for all mankind here...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
my day was bad...
my day was bad...i mean real bad...how???
i mean i dun have a good sleep the nite b4...i do sleep yet my brain didn't slp...you know la(the thought is still roaming around my head) and yes i glad that she call at last at 2:50am...she called and then hang up(mean miss call gua)...then i call her back...when i called her i thought is around 12 plus but actually is 2:50am in the morning cause i went to slp early around 10 plus but yet is not consider sleeping as my brain is still active and can hear all kinda noise mostly those ppl who work over nite because of setting up all the camp near the football field near my housing area for the damn election stuff...we do talk a little cause she still having assignment to finish...guess she miss me*wakakaka* after such a long time i didn't call her because of work but our conversation lasted for 10 min only... :( but i am glad she called...well then i continue laying at my bed cause i am awake already(i am kinda zombie as u can know) till morning...well then the bell ring sharp at 7:00am and some rude ppl out there which joining the election walk use loud speaker and honk their damn car hon all the way at the main road...i really gonna sue them because of disturbing the Sunday morning peace...then i juz head for the restroom to clean myself because i cant continue to have my restless slp and i have to go church as well then i took all my clothes for washing and clean my bedroom because as well...soon after that i get myself ready for church at about 8plus and then blah blah blah blah.....
now i m at church d...thing didn't turn up well, and i am still consider NEW over there cause i juz join this church this after spm and i dun really have alot of friend over there but yet i do greet some ppl that i recognize that all...so i juz have to hangout there alone at my sit..but i am glad i still have a couple of friend from my cell to talk to...but during praise and worship time start i dunno why i dun feel rite and have no mood to worship god which i am eager to worship and praise him in the morning before i came to church when i am on the way there..then this girl turn out(another girl i like) as u know i still have love sick...then i juz bad and old thought come in and this old thought make me worst and i dun feel rite and i juz stood there all the way through the time of praise and worship and looking over at her...then come to the message which really caught my attention which the topic is about teenager nowadays and blah blah blah till church was over and blah blah blah again...
reach home and there is no lunch and i am the only son in the family who go to church and my parent when out for family or shopping spree i guess -.-..but i juz then i old enough to take care of my own so i juz go cook some Maggie mee and eat and then take a short nap...when i am awake i head to ioi mall to practise my initial d game again...then here i am already dropping at a cyber cafe checking my mail and writing this blog...and then nite i guess will be a damn blah blah blah nite...and tomorrow will be working days...sein...so i juz let this bored and bad day ruin me till the new day begin..sign out
=.= i am so noob today..thanks
i mean i dun have a good sleep the nite b4...i do sleep yet my brain didn't slp...you know la(the thought is still roaming around my head) and yes i glad that she call at last at 2:50am...she called and then hang up(mean miss call gua)...then i call her back...when i called her i thought is around 12 plus but actually is 2:50am in the morning cause i went to slp early around 10 plus but yet is not consider sleeping as my brain is still active and can hear all kinda noise mostly those ppl who work over nite because of setting up all the camp near the football field near my housing area for the damn election stuff...we do talk a little cause she still having assignment to finish...guess she miss me*wakakaka* after such a long time i didn't call her because of work but our conversation lasted for 10 min only... :( but i am glad she called...well then i continue laying at my bed cause i am awake already(i am kinda zombie as u can know) till morning...well then the bell ring sharp at 7:00am and some rude ppl out there which joining the election walk use loud speaker and honk their damn car hon all the way at the main road...i really gonna sue them because of disturbing the Sunday morning peace...then i juz head for the restroom to clean myself because i cant continue to have my restless slp and i have to go church as well then i took all my clothes for washing and clean my bedroom because as well...soon after that i get myself ready for church at about 8plus and then blah blah blah blah.....
now i m at church d...thing didn't turn up well, and i am still consider NEW over there cause i juz join this church this after spm and i dun really have alot of friend over there but yet i do greet some ppl that i recognize that all...so i juz have to hangout there alone at my sit..but i am glad i still have a couple of friend from my cell to talk to...but during praise and worship time start i dunno why i dun feel rite and have no mood to worship god which i am eager to worship and praise him in the morning before i came to church when i am on the way there..then this girl turn out(another girl i like) as u know i still have love sick...then i juz bad and old thought come in and this old thought make me worst and i dun feel rite and i juz stood there all the way through the time of praise and worship and looking over at her...then come to the message which really caught my attention which the topic is about teenager nowadays and blah blah blah till church was over and blah blah blah again...
reach home and there is no lunch and i am the only son in the family who go to church and my parent when out for family or shopping spree i guess -.-..but i juz then i old enough to take care of my own so i juz go cook some Maggie mee and eat and then take a short nap...when i am awake i head to ioi mall to practise my initial d game again...then here i am already dropping at a cyber cafe checking my mail and writing this blog...and then nite i guess will be a damn blah blah blah nite...and tomorrow will be working days...sein...so i juz let this bored and bad day ruin me till the new day begin..sign out
=.= i am so noob today..thanks
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