never appear...

yesterday was a disaster to me during valentine day...as we know valentine day is a day where we go out to date and make the one we love happy...and today is my 4th day that i never sleep...and i dunno what to write about it as my cell brain started to die slowly...

my story started in the morning of valentine days....as i get myself prepare for the valentine date i was so afraid that i cant even get the flower i want from the flower shop that i place order as they have promised me as those flower i place order was expensive and is selling like hot pan cake in bakery...i was so afraid that i cant get everything prepare as i was totally blur as the nite before i didn't sleep at all...as i travel down the road to the flower shop and get my flower i was so happy that the flower is still there await me...i as lucky and thought today is a lucky day for me and then i took a cab to mid valley...during my ride i was so nervous and think about her and taking my time as the time pass so fast by me as i stuck in the middle of traffic jam...as i reach mid valley i just make myself run to Starbucks as i told her Starbucks is the place where we will meet and hope she is there for me...well thing always never turn out he way we expected to be,as i reach there at Starbucks she no way to be found as i look through the window...so i juz find a place where i could sit and wait for her as she could have caught in jam or on her way here.so i juz sent her smses telling that i here waiting for her already and i got a drink for myself...time passed quickly as i have my third drink here and i have msg her few time d...as i stare through the window looking over a sea of ppl i juz cant wait for her to appear in front of me...suddenly my there a msg from her and i thought she is here and i stood up and look around juz to find out that her msg mention she is not coming and i reply her that i will wait till u come...looking over severed of couple which having their wonderful time holding each other hand and staring each other i started to get envy of them and cant bear the laugh and joy that they are sharing in between themselves without caring about other ppl looking at...but i know she will appear soon...time pass even more faster then even before...and now is6plus yet she didn't appear my faith and hope started to tremble slowly and afraid something has happen and i really look dumb and stupid by the ppl around...then stupid thing some into my mind and play around in my brain...so i juz walk of about 6.30pm to get so air and smoke(i usually smoke when i am confuse,desperate and trouble...other then that i don't) as i waited for her a while more...but thing never change...she is no way to be found no even her shadow...so i juz walk off...

desperate

as each day passed by i juz dun feel rite...i know this process is a part of growing up...well last nite i have not be sleeping..as most of ppl out there can thought and think of is normal thing for a teenager...well as far as i can know at the age of 18 most ppl out there like me are into relationship and i know a single male like me which doesn't even have a girlfriend is a disaster and disgrace to myself...but i know that i can get 1 soon but i first need to make plan and decision so that i wont messed up this relationship that i gonna take up and go for it...and in the mean while thing need to change in my life as we know ppl change as the grown so just wish me luck and pray for me as well...

my birthday!

today is my birthday and i turning 18 this year,it have been a tough 17 back then but after tonite everything gonna change...when talking about change i mean makeover and be mature and step into young adult world...as most of we can think and thought,well i thought birthday suppose to be a joyful event and a anniversary to remember the day we were born in this wonder and beautiful world...



as i know so far till now even my parent totally forget about my birthday...*yuck,how it could be !!! with a small bunch of my best friend from my ex-skul such as ho,Nic and Suk Lee ,June remember me *thanks to you all. between that, there too a bunch of insane and beautiful ppl that shine up my part and wishes me such as Charisse ,may yoong ,Sarah Wong ,James ,Regina are specially greeted by me which i cant forget and friend like Andre ,Beh ,Vern ,Yoong Ken ,Yun Shen *thanks dude!



even this year i didn't receive any present now....or some delay present later nor my birthday didn't not turn well or turn up this year,i have to say that this small little thing not gonna stop me and make me down...well i know i blessed with a bunch of buddy that take note of me and care for me and support me,which god himself give them to me as present...i looking forward to add more buddy and friend and best friend in future...thanks for all my friend that greet me...love you all very much from my heart...not to mention more present next year from you to me...alright!

beautiful isn't it!!!

this is the necklace i talking about...it was so cool and very special indeed..well look like i have to keep this for the rest of my life..as this necklace belong to someone already...i am not giving out to anyone out there..but i will bu something else instead for my future girlfriend...too bad to all lady out there...i so sorry for u all..because when i get this necklace i think of that girl only buy it...mean this girl is very special to me but too bad she have someone else instead...well u can now of this kind hand-made necklace at 1 utama i-box studio and LG.

i like u forever

i will like u forever....u can try to ignore me and so on...but u know what...i juz wan u so badly...nothing gonna stop me now...i am selfish i know and i sorry for the thing that i did i am so sorry...anywhere give me a change to me and see how thing work out can u..nothing else more i will ask d...well all i wan u to be all mine...let wat ppl wan to comment about u or laugh at u...but happiness sure find a way that will make them jealous of u and me..trust me dear...trust me as u do last time...70% is what i saw in my sms...u cannot deny it...dun lie to yourself or other thing else...all matter now is i wont disturb u and i'll like u as much as i love myself...i have chosen u and nothing else more...so darling juz follow ur heart...even i know i can meet anymore or u wont reply my msg...there still a way i will always find u...u will keep me walking and searching for u...i wont let u go...but now all i know u need space and time so that u can rethink and make decision and calm down...darling tell me who there to sacrifice that much for u...i even willing to write u down in my blog juz to remember u...and u will always be in my mind...and i never let u go from my arm...

I LOVE YOU

it really have been a sad day after camp..well i meet tis girl at this camp...and i really like the way she is...well guys dun think dirty d...u should know y u like someone rite...even she is young she more likely mature then most of the girl i have meet out there my entire life...she juz really impress me...she beautiful,cute,adorable,gentle,mature and everything good that i can think off her...she juz the right girl i have been looking for...but too bad i have been rejected by her...u wan to know why....





the reason she give me is because age difference and because she have alot ppl going after her and she said she have bf some more she say that i'll dump her when i go into college...well from my heart i think it is not fair lor the way she treated me and i'm not the kind of guy who go joke about ppl feel...i really have dedicated my heart to her when she said she like me 70% yesterday after church...even when i go to 1 utama so to do window shopping..she juz pop into my head all the while and i have got something for her and me so kinda love chain necklace...and yes i mean i do really like her dearly...yes i really like more then myself..during the night everything juz turn ugly the way i dun expected it to be..as in the morning v are close and nite we are like enemy...we juz have a a bad argument that very nite...maybe is my mistaken because we juz meet 3 days at this camp i already tell her i like her...anyway she juz cant lie to herself the way she like me and feel for me...or maybe she cant tolerated the laughter from her friend...haiz...anyways i juz like her so much...well now i think i dun have a chance to see her again or msg her anymore cause of the dumb mistake i didn't...i juz wan to say im so sorry to u...i juz wan u to know that i there for u always..always mean the whole time even u can deny me..but Ur feeling cant deny me...so this mean i have to wait for u till everything calm down..look i want do really wan u to read this and i wan to say im so sorry and i do really like u deep in my heart..cross it...well tomoro or next day i will try to post the necklace up if i can...try to do so...

tell the world part 2

oh ya...let get back to the story...well this year camp is held at ancasa resort at port Dickson...the view there was awesome and beautiful and amazing...but food suck...cause we always have hot dog for breakfast and chicken for lunch and more chicken for dinner...ish...but some how the camp site have really impress me...the apartment was huge and beautiful..service was good

so now i juz wan to talk about god d...so juz let pay attention to wat i write about..basically god have big plan for most of the ppl in this world...he give us so many choice till there are so many religion in this world...but god really wan most of them back as his ppl...well all happen at this camp...god really move in ours present the ways we dun expected it to be...as i can c most of the ppl there really have be touch by god itself...how do i know!!...well i have been experience god since I'm 8 years old...in my ex-church they have taught me wat i need to know...so dun doubt wat i say...it truth...well this my testimony...i have backslide him many time in my older day even at time i could have die long time ago...but he always there to keep me safe and protect me from harm and danger...I'm really blessed to be his son...he unlimited love,mercy,and faith in me really have impress me..i dare to say he more prefect then my earthly father...he have help me most of time in this cruel world...he lifted me up when i fall,he fill my cup when I'm dry,he heal me when I'm injure...he juz so great...he has come looking for me even I'm run away...now I'm found and he has bring me back to be a part of his family...he give me a chance to live so that i can praise him and do his work down in this world...my conclusion is dun deny him he will always love u and wan u back very badly...praise the lord almighty...so this is the testimony that i wan to tell u and encourage u..and this blog of mine will help me spread this MSG to the world...so all Christian come as one let go tell the world about his greatness